Bon Voyage, Sayonara, Arrivederci
by Fish Bag
Summary: Missing scene from Bon Voyage. Possibly the first one ever not to mention the necklace, and probably the first one to have a Christopher POV. Yes, Christopher. But please have faith! The original title, based off a prompt from Nancy the reviewer but apparently too long for here is: The Forever Banishment of Christopher the Slime and the Lessened Verbal Prowess of Emily the Elder.


**A/N: A while back, a polite reviewer very respectfully and eloquently asked me to please try to write something that dealt with "the forever banishment of Christopher the slime and the lessened verbal prowess of Emily the elder." I am working on a few longer stories that explore those heady themes, but it's taking more time than I hoped and real life is not co-operating. In the meantime, 'Nancy' and anyone else still reading, here's a quickie that I think addresses those exact issues in a cheap and cheerful way.**

* * *

Emily and Christopher walked along the rain-soaked sidewalk toward the sights and sounds of Rory's party.

"I'm so pleased you made it, Christopher. I had a feeling you didn't know about this party. I myself only learned of it from Sookie yesterday."

_She certainly has a way with words, that Emily_, Christopher laughed to himself. Rory had just received the job offer two nights ago. When else would they have invited Emily if not yesterday? And under the circumstances, he totally understood being left off the guest list. Still, he gave the perfunctory response Emily Gilmore commanded.

"Well, I'm very glad you called me, Emily. Thank you."

Truth was, Christopher wasn't really all that glad. He felt uneasy about returning to Stars Hollow. He was wary of the town and its residents, and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. From a distance, he could see their idea of elegant party decor- cheap balloons, hand-painted signs and a tent that looked like it was patched together from people's used rain slickers. _Classy_, he scoffed. _I can't believe I ever lived here_.

As they grew nearer, Christopher could clearly hear a classic Jackson 5 tune fade into something more alternative by The Mighty Lemon Drops. _At least the music was always decent in this town, _he thought.

"You said Rory was headed back toward the DJ area? I'll find her," Christopher told Emily. "You don't have to escort me all the way. I know Richard is waiting in the car," he said. "Unless you think it's not safe for me here alone," he smirked. "There are a few people who've made it clear I don't really belong."

"I don't think either one of us quite belong here," Emily said resignedly. "But…"

"It's Lorelai's home," he finished her thought. "Always will be."

They both sighed.

"Yes, well, at least Rory is moving on. Richard and I have always tried to show her a world beyond—"

They stopped dead in their tracks. They hadn't reached the party yet, but there was some definite 'celebrating' going in the middle of the street, not ten yards away from them.

Christopher didn't know how long he and Emily stood there gawking, but it was long enough for Inside Out to finish and some sappy song about the moon and light to play through completely.

And still Lorelai and Luke kept kissing. Necking. Whispering. Laughing. Crying. Hugging. Cooing. Tongue wrestling.

_Enough already_! Christopher cleared his throat loudly.

Nothing. The couple in front of them were completely oblivious to anything but each other.

Finally, Emily cleared _her_ throat, and, probably due to some Pavlovian response, Lorelai jerked her head up and looked in their direction. When Luke noticed them too he tried to pull away, releasing the vice-like grip he appeared to have on Lorelai's neck. But Lorelai was having none of that. She turned Luke's face back toward her, gave him a soft smile and a little half-shrug, and went right back to kissing him!

It was clear to Christopher that Lorelai hadn't the slightest bit of apprehension about being with Luke, and she also couldn't care less about how either Emily or Chris felt about it. And Luke seemed to agree. Wholeheartedly.

Luke and Lorelai were lost in their own little world. They finally stopped kissing, but they kept gazing into each other's eyes, even as Lorelai finally acknowledged Christopher's presence.

"Hey, Chris. It's nice that you came," she said with an air of nonchalance. "Rory's over there." Eyes still locked on Luke's, she waved her arm dismissively and then replaced it on Luke's bicep, rubbing softly.

Eventually, the couple turned to face Emily and Christopher, standing before them as a united front. The identical looks on Luke and Lorelai's faces said it all. A mixture of pure joy, certainty, and just a bit of smugness. As if Christopher and Emily were the ones who should feel awkward and uncomfortable! And they were. Well, Chris was, anyway.

Christopher looked over at Emily, hoping to find a comrade in mortification. But Emily was unreadable. She didn't appear angry, or disgusted, or disappointed, or even surprised. She also didn't seem to have anything to say on the matter, which freaked Chris out the most. He waited anxiously for Emily to start putting her cutting verbal skills to work. But Emily couldn't or wouldn't speak.

Christopher darted his eyes around the tented square, searching for something to say to alleviate his unease. "'Bon Voyage, Rory'," he read nervously. "French." _Smooth, Chris_. He sounded like a douche even to his own ears. "I'm just gonna find Rory, and say a quick, uh, au revoir," he tried to joke. "Then I'll just…be on my way. So, um," he stumbled, "so long."

Lorelai gave an overly enthusiastic wave. "Farewell, auf wiedersehen."

"Hasta La Vista," Luke added.

Christopher slunk away. But as he trudged off, he could still hear Lorelai address Emily loud and clear.

"Oh, and Mom? When I said we'd discuss the spa stuff at dinner, I meant _all _of us. Luke too." Lorelai spoke with confidence. "Luke will be involved in all important conversations involving my future, just like I will be with his."

Chris just _had_ to see how this would play out. He turned around just in time to see Emily open her mouth, and he waited expectantly. He saw Luke nod firmly at Lorelai, and Lorelai wrap her arm around Luke's waist and snuggle into his side. Then he watched in disbelief as Emily simply closed her mouth and nodded.

Clearly emboldened, Lorelai added brazenly, "And if you're even the slightest bit passive-aggressively snarky to either one of us, it will be the last Friday night dinner we ever have."

That did it. Emily finally spoke up, as Christopher looked on in anticipation.

"Don't wear jeans."

'_Don't wear jeans'?! Come on, Emily._ Was that really the best she could do?

"You already told me that, Mom." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

Emily paused briefly before replying.

"I was talking to Luke."

Lorelai smiled triumphantly and turned back to Luke to resume their _activities._

Emily spun off toward her waiting car.

And Christopher went to bid a fast goodbye to Rory, then quickly left Stars Hollow.

Never to return.


End file.
